I missed a day! This blog will be a combination of two days – Nov. 2nd and 3rd.

Freedom’s good.

Whether it’s freedom to wear your hair in it’s natural state or freedom to say how you feel, freedom is good. 

Yes, freedom can be problematic when your freedoms are hurting people. Then there are consequences. Nobody is talking about taking away your freedom unless you are committing crimes. Breaking the law.  

Yes, there are more nuanced conversations to be had regarding freedom to bear arms and freedom of speech including hate speech but freedom when it comes to being who you are without violence is a no brainer. 

When I was 5 years old, I had my first chemical relaxer applied to my scalp and hair in order to straighten it. Nowadays, I’ve heard it referred to as “creamy crack.” This euphemism embodies the psychological and physical dependency on this perm. When first applied, it feels like a cold balm to a thirsty soul being smoothed on the skin beneath your follicles. The thought of becoming someone with hair that pacifies even the most ardent critics fills you with joy. But as time passes, a tingling starts to happen which turns into an all out burning like your head is being set on fire. Sometimes, when you can’t sit still and endure the agony, you are called, “tenderheaded.” That’s right. Gaslighting is added to the chemical gasoline fire on your innocent head. However, the beautician starts to speed up the application of the creamy crack in order to cover the entirety of your head before… you die or jump out of the seat. So, the fact that there is an urgency belies the notion that you’re being overly sensitive.

This expensive and painful ritual would continue well into my adulthood. My psychological and physical dependency on the creamy crack was fueled by everything I was told in society by loved ones and employers – my hair in its natural state was not an option.

When I was a child, I had no choice as I was trotted off to the beauty shop every 4-6 weeks for the act that would result in me getting plenty of compliments. “Is that a wig?” “Is that her hair?” They would ask my mother just amazed. I had a lot of hair and after the creamy crack was rinsed thoroughly out, I would get a wet set. I would then sit under the dryer for about 45 minutes with the hard plastic rollers. When I would see pictures of myself as a young girl, it did look like I was wearing a wig. The hairstyle looked like an older white woman’s hairstyle. I was a black 10 year old girl with a 40 year old white woman’s do. I was taught this was acceptable. Therefore, the burns, the scabs, the pain was all part of the price to pay to partake in society. I was taught that I could not be free to be me.

It was only when I was pregnant with my son, my first born, that I started to contemplate the effects of the perm on my son. Will it cause adverse problems to the being inside of me? I attribute my strength to stop using the perm pipe to God. Because, I started to embark on a number of actions that would mean I would have to start facing fears. God was telling me that he made me who I am for a reason. And He thinks I’m beautiful. He started showing me the foolishness of thinking my beauty and my identity was in my hair. He showed me that I needed to know that I am not my hair and that if something were to happen to it, I would still be the beautiful creation He made. He showed me that I did not need to be afraid of the natural state of my hair. It was actually a beautiful blessing.

I started to walk in the freedom of being me well into my adulthood. But that freedom would be taken away slowly but surely in relationships as I would willingly give my power away.

I want domestic violence to end.

Verse of the Day (Nov. 2nd)

“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters.” – Psalm 23:1-2 KJV

I had the faith test on Nov. 1st. Nov. 2nd I found out I booked a different job. The Lord is my shepherd.

Verse of the Day (Nov. 3rd)

“who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:” – Colossians1:13KJV

I am thankful to God for giving me another chance to be free. And with that freedom comes with it the freedom to vote. He delivered me and keeps delivering me. I could’ve died when I was being choked. Or, locked up for the rest of my life for defending myself. There are many victims that are languishing in jail because they had the audacity to fight back against their abuser. 

The first book in my series, Justice? Or… Just Me? The Bite, is free on Kindle until Nov. 4th.

The second book in my series, Justice? Or… Just Me? The Fight, is now available on Audible. Narrated by myself and Foreword narrated by Ashton Cynthia Clarke.

If you would like to help me continue the domestic violence awareness work that I do, give to my Justice? Or… Just Me? Project. Every donation is tax deductible. It’s to support the work I’m doing to bring awareness to domestic violence. Books, plays, short films, social media content, stand-up comedy, speaking, teaching.

National Domestic Violence Hot Line: 800.799.SAFE (7233)

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